letter from auntieb

An open letter to my RoarShack friends

I have many things to be thankful for this holiday season, and for all of those things I am grateful.

Often, however, I struggle with loss and grief that overwhelm me with the consequences of decisions that I’ve made, and the actions of others that have caused me pain.  Sometimes the daily battle is too much and I have to fight depression that threatens to drown me.

Because I’ve chosen to care for my elderly, demented mother in my home, and now my dearest Ricco as well, I have a very limited social life, and  often feel lonely and abandoned.

I don’t share these things usually, but I would like to have you all know how important you are to me.  You have taken me in and embraced me as a friend.  You don’t discourage me from being myself.  Day or night, someone is there to talk to, to share the day or a laugh with.  You make me feel normal.  You make me feel accepted in a community populated by smart, funny, kind, and caring people.

I know some are discouraged right now by the negativity and bad behavior of a few.  I am so sorry for that.  But I would like to encourage everyone to hang on to how wonderful things can be and let the ugliness go.  Mere chance brought us all to this place, but only will and determination can hold us together.

So, with a grateful heart, I wish each of you an abundance of blessings.

Love,
Auntieb

MelloYelloHelloFellow

The story written in the shack main chat, two hours of half-dreaming, featuring characters inspired by you lovely friends... full story after the jump!

PROMPT - What The Shack Means to Me

1. to be honest, the Roarshack to me is 2 different things, its a safe place and my home. a place you dont have to worry about things and being judged.like i suck at spelling as you can see... so i kinda just give up sometimes on trying to be punctual. i love the shack and all of you so much, but at the same time. i feel like we are just a small stepping stone from the real us. from like what is to come, i know we can be so much more, and we will be, things take time and hard work. So i will wait, i also am very thankful to All of you that help keep the shack walls up. i dont really know what to say, i have so many feelings for the shack, its one of the hardest things i ever thought about trying to exspress... to end it i guess i will just say again how glad i am for it, and its Creation.<3, i wishi had more of a prompt rather then just my thoughts. i like everyone elses prompts much better lol then my own.

- Pasquale

1. 1. what is the roarshack to you.
   2.  
   3. The Roar Shack
   4. The place where I can come and know someone. With all the different places I travel in the TinyChat kingdom, this is the room where I know first names. I recognize faces, and I share interest. Finding a room isn't hard, but finding a place were you feel 100% accepted tends to be a task. When I look around, there are people. Not faces. People who I have come to know, that live in different places, and hold a place within me. I'll find myself speaking with others, and referring to TinyChat names as if they were my next door neighbor. "..Just the other day I was talking to ATY, and...."
   5.  
   6. What a strange and yet wonderful concept. To sit and watch others live, and to interact. To share ideas, think, love, and weep. With everything going on in our daily lives, we miss the fact that no matter how hard it gets, no matter what obstacles we encounter, in this room, we are fundamentally similar. Share stories and tales. Relating to our own lives, the events that happen with our friends.
   7.  
   8. You RoarShack are my friend. If you are here, you know me. And I you.
   9.  
   10. Thank you RoarShack for keeping me close, and for being there for me when the day was rough.
   11. 
       
   12. - The_Hypnotist

What The Shack Means To Me - Aty

Sunday, November 23, 2014

9:59 PM

Comes quite quickly end denies

     No longer able fantasize

What a fool prioritize

     To feed myself such wicked lies

Overwhelms in tortured cries

     The only love ive known still dies

What a fool, you, I despise

     Feebly I demonize

Oh god agree fuck compromise

     Take me instead this fucked surprise

So fucking wrong, internalize

     To walk your shoes arent my size

Someday dunno when realiez

     The good, the bad, and always dies

We all born will live to die

     Be so torn, we'll give our lies

Free to mourn all damned goodbyes

     Agree adorned with compromise

I'm still here

Do they hear?

By all means what I held dear

Forest falling, no one near

I donno quite how I appear

All I know is we're

Alive

I'm still here

Revive

        good cheer

To thrive

       my dear

The drive

       to steer

Alive we hear

Alive we're here

To, TRS. Love, MAGE!

The Roar Shack

What is The Roar Shack? Well technically it is a video chat room on tinychat. To me though it is more....much more. To me it is a person. Infact im going to stop calling it a “it” and instead a “her”. She seems like a girl to me. The Roar Shack has her own personality. Her own attitude. Sometimes she is sad and sometimes angry. Most of the time though she is happy. The Roar Shack is an amazing person. One of the most amazing people I have ever met. What makes her so amazing? All the many other amazing people that make her who she is. There are so many nice great wonderful and amazing people in The Roar Shack. All of them are ready and willing to help you, listen to you, talk to you, just be a friend when and if you need it. I have never experienced anything quite like this before. I love it.
The Roar Shack....I Love You!! I AM THE ROAR SHACK...HEAR ME ROAR!!

- Mage

Hypno

https://soundcloud.com/baird-atypnoc/hypnosisbyheathhaskins

Break - 7tfyve

BREAK - Mage

1. BREAK
3. Do you break on the outside or on the inside? When you break which is more painful? Does either bring you pleasure? For me I break in many different ways. I break on the outside when my inner breaking gets the best of me. It is at this point that I start to break things and things break me. This is also the breaking point at which I try to break myself for good. My inner breaking? I honestly think that I may be permanently broken on the inside. It is as if I no longer have a spirit or soul. My heart was given a break that it cannot repair. Many times over it seems that....well I dont know if god wants to break me or if its just man. But someone likes to see me break. I wish that for once I could take a break. I want to be GIVEN a break. I want someone to walk up to me and say “hey steven its ya lucky day!!! Take a break from all breaks” . So what kindof break is more painful? For me I think its inner breaks. I heal from the outter breaks but the inner ones are forever, permanent, never going away. They dont heal. They dont just go away. I cant give them away. I have had some breaks that give me some sort of satisfaction, pleasure. Such as when I break something and that sudden pain goes streaking threw my body. Or when as a teen when I got upset I would partake in self mutilation. Nothing was more pleasureable at the time then feeling the cold steel of that knife break threw my skin. I know this is dark but it is how I think, how I feel.
4. CAN I HAVE MY BREAK FROM ALL BREAKS NOW? PLEASE?

- Mage

Sacrelige - greenskin

Sacrelige - Anomic84

A Christian Finds Jesus (Unfinished)

 I don’t know when it happened. I don’t even know how. One day it was just there. In the shop’s window, with His arms held open. Humble, just as the stories had described, yet not quite the same. I had to ask someone, I had to know.

 “Yeah, that’s Him alright,” snorted a man who I had queried. He was a strange man, strange to me at least. I guess he blended in with everyone else.

 My brain was just reeling from the fact that right before me was undoubtedly a statue of the Lord and Savior Himself. Though, I was not in front of a church, or an antique shop owned by elderly devout Christians. I was standing in front of a candy store on California Avenue. And He was not made of smooth porcelain, but rather pure, milk chocolate.

 Now, I’m not offended. I couldn’t give two flying fucks. Yet I was still set aside. Thinking about how offensive this could be. Maybe I would see it later on Facebook. Oh, how I would love to read the comments. I just love reading people’s opinions that they state like facts.

 As I realized I had been staring at this artifact for what must have been fifteen minutes now, so I walked away. I headed past Easy Street Records and to my favorite bar, Shadowland. I always get Rainier’s because I’m poor as piss and a five-dollar beer just seems outrageous. Not to mention I also needed to get a pack of cigarettes. I always loved a good smoke after a few beers to really set the mood.  I know my body is a temple ‘cause the Good Book says so but sometimes you have to sin to make the day better.

 Yes, I believe in God. However, how does He expect me to be so perfect?

-Anomic84

Sacrelige - Aty

Was built upon good faith, foundation benefit of doubt
Although uncertain, leaning, favoring the untread route.
Impossibility! shout the jaded to the wall
to dulled reverberance , stability hushes each call.

But what window once met face to see far reaches of what may,
That pane you e'er panel, each nail hammered by what you say
til it's yourself left to talk to in the dark away from day
will you wonder how much longer with yourself you have to stay?
can you see in all that darkness what a coward you portray?

I wish deceit your venom elicited even apathy,
if not warranted repulsion of regard of you set free
but what thrashed to disbelief lurches into - for you i grieve
i'd never damn the worst to from yourself you'll never leave.

Aty

Fallen Heroes of the NYPD: From September 11

MY FALLEN HEROeS OF THE NEW YORK POLICE DEPARTMENT

BY STEVEN aka MAGE

               I have had the pleasure of knowing and serving with many many fine men and women as a member of the NYPD. It started when I was a junior in high school and an officer came to speak to us. I had always been interested in a career in law and this sealed the deal for me. I started training while in my senior year threw a co-op between the police and the school system. After graduation I joined the force and was lucky enough to be assigned close to my neighborhood and I patrolled the Jamaica-Queens area. Over the next few years I got to meet as I said before many wonderful people. 

               Then on September 11, 2001 tragedy struck and many of the people I had grown to love were suddenly gone. Others, like myself, survived. Of those who survived though many came down with illnesses and other complications as a result of the work they did at the World Trade Center site. Lots have since passed on as a result of these complications. I myself have developed heart and lung problems resulting in 3 heart attacks. The reason I'm writing this is to let people see into something that is a huge part of my life and also as a tool for me to grief honor and remember these people. So let me share with you their stories. I will start with the most recent:

Michelle “Chells” Burnhardt July 17, 1979 – November 2, 2014

               Chells was my life long best friend. She moved into the house next to me at the age of 6. We hit it off almost instantly playing together outside everyday after school. 8 years after our first meet we shared our first kiss on her 14th birthday. This was very special to me as it was the first time I had ever kissed a girl. We started dating that day and lasted a whole 2 months before she thought she liked a girl n left me for her. That didn't break the special bond we had formed though. We continued to be attached at the hips all the way threw middle school and high school. We shared everything with each other. She even introduced me to my wife although she was reluctant to do so. Me and Chells had made plans one day to do something and she broke the plans at the last minute causing us to fight. About a week past without us speaking to each other before she called to apologize. She told me to come over so I did. When I got there she was there with another gorgeous girl. Turns out the reason she broke our plans was to comfort this girl after her boyfriend broke up with her. She didn't want me to meet her cause she was jealous n thought id be more attracted to the friend then I was to her. I went on to date the friend and eventually marry her with Chells as the maid of honor. From that day me, Chells, and my future wife were inseparable. After graduation I officially joined the NYPD with Chells right along at my side. She said there was no way she was going to let me be in danger of being shot at without her being there to protect me lol.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001- I was about half way threw my shift and Chells was just starting hers when all hell broke out. I was covering for someone on a shift in Manhattan when the all call started. I was 2 blocks away and the 7th officer to arrive. Chells got there about an hour later from what she told me. Chells was my real hero that day. She stayed there and helped search until she passed out from exhaustion and heat fatigue. She searched for 36 hours straight (rough estimate).

MARCH 6, 2008- My wife dies of lupus and Chells is there with me not leaving my side. She stayed with me for 2 days prior praying and watching over Patty.

NOVEMBER 2, 2014- Chells passed away today after from what I have been told was a very long and fierce battle with cancer. Her family told me it was caused by chemicals and dust in the air at the ground zero site. They also told me this was a very long battle and that she didn't want me to know so I wouldn't worry. She was always putting others before herself.

RIP CHELLS I LOVE YOU AND I WILL MISS YOU.

YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART

***1st love***

Micheal Yarborough (2004)

            Mike was my FTO or Field Training Officer. Everything I know about police work I learned from him. He took the time to make sure that you not only knew the proper way to do things but also that you knew why things were done how they were done. If there was something that you didn't understand he would help you and walk you threw it until you did understand. Every month he would host a BBQ at his house for every officer he had trained. It didn't matter what precinct house you were...if mike trained you then you were welcome. If you ever had a problem you could go with him whether it was work related or something in ya personal life. I once saw him give a $1000 to an officer to help pay his daughters tuition at a private school. Mike died on the job in 2004 from a brain tumor also caused by chemicals on 9/11

Justin Lander (2001)

            Justin was my partner in patrol at the time of the attacks. He was a seasoned patrol officer and knew the streets well. He was always willing to help the trouble and less fortunate that we came across on our patrols. I remember our long talks walking down Jamaica Ave or on the overhead platforms. He always had an interesting story to tell. Sometimes it was about weird stuff he had seen while working other times it was about his latest trip. Justin was killed in the line of duty at the world trade centers on 9/11 when a steel beam fell on him.

Yessica (Yeaaasi) Hernandez (2001)

            Yessica was sorta a rough one. She was more of one of the guys then the guys were lol. Football, basketball, hokey....she could play them all. Get in a foot chase? Yessica we need you!! I have never seen anyone who could run as fast as her. Yessica was also the class clown. She always had a joke to tell or trick to play. If you needed a laugh she was the one to see. We would call her "Yeaaasi" cause she would often end a sentence with “ya see” but would sound like yeaaasi lol. Yessica died at the World Trade Center when she fell threw a weak spot in the rubble.

            These are just a few of the many many people I knew, loved, and have lost. These are my heroes. They are The Heroes of the New York City Police Department. I could not have asked for a better group of people to serve with. I regret having survived when they did not. Especially when it comes to Chells. If I had not joined the department then neither would have she and she would still be alive. You know when people say “how john would have given the shirt off his back”? Well these people literally would have. They will be terribly missed but fondly remembered.

            I also want to say and point out that these people and the NYPD weren't the only heroes that day. The Port Authority police, FDNY, state police, and FBI all had and lost people there. And we also cant forget about all the civilians who lost their lives that day.

            A lot of people, especially those who were too young to remember, say OK so what? It is over. It happened 13 years ago why are we still talking about it? The answer is simple: It isn't over. For many of us...thousands in fact...it will never be over. We see the devastation over and over every day in our minds. We walk around and see all the little things that nobody else notices and it brings back a whole flood of memories and feelings.

We will never forget!!!

RIP FALLEN FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND HEROES

Prompt: LUST

It isn't often  burns this thirst

Come at me and do your worst

I'm firing without a goal

What body walks without a soul

Eradicated locus of control

And on we roll, we roll, we roll

Hungry for it all that isn't mine

And they're comin' down the line

Steady beside decline

Comin' down the line

Getting off on the design

Besides the point whether is fine

Keep it from my lips craving to lead

Wild in the speed,

possessed by carnal greed

What thirst to feed

The first to bleed

-onistic heed

Brutal frenzied

A body plead

Haphazard in denial

His disposition vile

The fastest fucking mile

Which passed us wretched while

Outlaster lusted smle